Mami

I was young. Young enough that you wouldn't let me sit in the front seat of the car. I was old. Old enough that I remember. We went to the mall that day mami, and you held my hands and smiled.

I think I can hear you whispering behind me as I decided what movie to watch. I think I can hear you whispering behind me as I bought popcorn and other goodies we usually didn't get to have. I think I see a tear drop halfway through the movie. Don't cry mami, the movie isn't that sad. The movie ended, and you held my hands and smiled.

It was red. The chupi-chupi you gave me. The wooden stick that ran through the middle had a joke etched on it. What did one muffin say to the other muffin? I never got to find out because that's when you told me that abuelito Esteban had died. I dropped the Popsicle onto the plate after that, mainly because I needed you to hold my hands and smile.

You were so strong for me mami. All smiles and no te preocupes mi amor, mi reina, mi cielo. My love, my queen, my sky. You protected me from the monsters under my bed and from the thoughts in my head. You protected me from the people that wanted to hurt me but you understood that sometimes I needed to get hurt. And everything you did mami, everything you did for me, was with a hand and a smile.

Mami, I'm a little bit older now. Twenty. Could you imagine? It's my turn now mami. My turn to step up and protect you and do everything I can for you. Mami, there's nothing I would ever want to do more than to hold your hand, and smile.